The First Time I Came Out

Coming_out_of_the_closet_for_the_first_timeI remember it just like it was yesterday.

The day that I finally came out to my best girlfriend was one of the most amazing, emotional, and relieving days of my entire life.

But…I can’t even begin to describe how difficult it was.

It wasn’t even that I was afraid of her response and how she would react.

I knew that she would totally be fine with it.

In fact, just a couple of years before she asked me if I was gay (I told her I didn’t “think” so…LOL).  The way she asked the question though, and dealt with the situation, I absolutely knew she’d be cool with it.

But, it was just so freaking hard to get the courage to say the words.

Here’s how it happened.

Earlier that week I made plans to go to her place and hang out with her on Friday night, knowing that we would probably have a few drinks and I would end up spending the night there.

I had planned to go there with the absolute intention of coming out to her then.

That was the main reason I planned to go and see her.

As much as I love seeing her, she lives an hour away so it’s not like I can just go see her and grab some coffee.

Anyway, the whole plan, at least in my mind, was to just sit and have a few drinks with her and just say it.

Problem was… her brother ended up hanging out with us all night and it just didn’t feel right for me to do it with him there.  Especially considering it was my first coming out experience.

So, we all went to bed and I still had this huge weight crushing me.

Didn’t make for a very good night sleep.

All I could think about was how and when I was going to finally do it.

The next morning, we woke up and went to this really cool breakfast joint we like to go to.

Throughout the entire ride, all I could think about was just telling her.

Just trying to figure out when the best time to tell her would be and what I would actually say.

I must have played out the seen nearly 100 times just on the ride there.

Once we got there, I remember sitting outside of the restaurant, waiting for our table and trying to muster up the courage to just say it.

But…

I just couldn’t find it in me.

And here’s the funny thing.

Once we sat down and the waiter came to us (it was very clear that he was gay) we both looked at each other and commented on how nice the server was.

She said he was super nice but wasn’t sure if he was… when I stopped her mid sentence and just said “he’s not playing for your team”.

I almost said ‘he’s on my team’ and I literally laughed to myself, LOL.

Anyway… after breakfast we went to her place and just sat outside talking when she eventually said ‘didn’t you have something you wanted to talk to me about?’

I remember sitting there and my heart was racing.

I said something along the lines of ‘I do, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about it’.

She, of course, said that she didn’t want to talk about anything I wasn’t comfortable talking about….

But I told her that I had to do it… and I finally just told her that I thought I was gay.

I remember the look on her face and it literally brings a smile to mine as I write this.

She looked at me, got a massive smile and just started clapping and said how excited she was for me.

That wasn’t exactly the response I was expecting but I can’t even begin to describe how relieving it was.

It was like a massive weight was lifted off my shoulders and I truly can’t even describe in words how incredible it was.

We immediately started talking about the whole gay thing,  relationships, and so much more.

Being able to speak to one of my best friends about my dating and sexual life was something I wasn’t used to and it was just so exciting to FINALLY be able to talk to someone about it!

Coming out to her was one of the best things that I’ve ever done.

Taking that first step and finally telling someone may seem silly to get all emotional about but emotional doesn’t even adequately describe the experience.

That first step was one of the best decisions that I’ve ever made in my life.

It finally gave me chance to be myself with someone that I knew and loved, with no limitations.

Could you do me a small favor please? If you liked this post, please share it! And of course, feel free to comment all you like. I read every one of my comments :-)

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